And as they should. Wedding speeches tend to follow the script. There’s thanking the parents. Then, thanking the bridal party. Then, the guests for traveling. The groom then takes the floor. Today, brides are adding a line that would’ve seemed indulgent a decade ago. They’re thanking themselves, whether it’s for getting through the engagement, the planning, and occasionally years of dating, single life or hard personal seasons, to reach the day at all.

This speech addition might reflect a shift in how brides are approaching the wedding role. Where speeches once positioned the bride primarily as a grateful recipient, of a proposal, of family support, or of a partner’s love, more brides now frame the day as something they actively built, and want credit for building. A bride thanking herself for “not giving up on love,” for “doing the work” in therapy or self-growth before meeting a partner, or simply for surviving a stressful year of vendor negotiations and seating charts, has become a recognisable moment at contemporary weddings rather than an oddity.

Wedding planners report mixed reactions to brides thanking themselves. Brides might fold such comments into a joke about the chaos of planning, or pair them with genuine reflection on a difficult period in their life. When done with warmth and a light touch it tends to draw some of the loudest applause of the reception. It names something guests already privately admire but rarely hear said aloud.

Done without that lightness, as a standalone moment of self-congratulation disconnected from the rest of the speech, it can read as tone-deaf on a day ostensibly about partnership. Typically, that comes down to specificity. Guests respond to particular, honest moments far more than to therapy-speak, however well-intentioned.

The average age of first marriage in New Zealand is climbing. This might be another influence. Many brides arrive at their wedding day with a longer, more complicated personal history behind them, whether that be a previous relationship, a period of singlehood or a career built independently.

Thanking herself becomes a way of asserting that she arrived at the altar as a complete person, not simply completed by a marriage. There’s a real beauty in acknowledging that history rather than skipping over it in favour of a narrative where the partner is the sole source of transformation.

For brides considering the move, the advice from those who’ve done it well is consistent: keep it brief, keep it specific, and keep it in proportion to everything else being said. A single sentence of genuine self-acknowledgment, tucked between thanks to parents and a toast to the groom, tends to land as generous rather than self-focused. Thank you for reading this article. Pat yourself on the back. Now, do the same in your wedding speech.