Once the wedding’s over, another question often turns up. How will the two of you handle money from here? There’s no single right answer, and the setup that suits you now can change as life does.

Sorted, the free money guidance service from Te Ara Ahunga Ora Retirement Commission, makes one point early in its guide to relationships and money. When it comes to talking about money as a couple, “the earlier we have that money talk the better!”

All in, partly joint or separate

Sorted describes a range of setups, from pooling everything you have to keeping things entirely separate and sharing costs the way flatmates would. Each can work, as long as you both agree on how the bills get paid.

A middle path is a joint account for bills and household costs, with your own accounts alongside. Sorted also suggests a joint savings account for shared goals like holidays. Over time, it says, couples often find themselves combining their finances more and more.

It’s normal to see money differently, especially if you grew up with different financial backgrounds, Sorted says. One of you might be happy living with a credit card balance, one might want to pay for everything, or one might earn quite a bit more. Talking openly and being ready to compromise often brings out more solutions than one view alone, it adds.

Whichever setup you choose, do what feels right for the two of you. You can always change it later.

The conversations worth having early

Sorted’s guide includes a list of questions to ask each other. They include whether you have a joint emergency fund or another way to get cash quickly, and whether either of you has debts you’re liable for. It also asks what would happen to a shared mortgage, or to either of your super savings, if one of you died.

If you’re saving for travel, a home or a family, Sorted suggests working through its goal planner together so you both know what you’re aiming for.

KiwiSaver is one thing that doesn’t merge. You each keep your own account, and if you’re buying a first home together, each of you can withdraw from your own KiwiSaver, Sorted says. Your balances will be different, so you can each take as much or as little as you need.

Inland Revenue sets the main rules for a first-home withdrawal. You need to have been in KiwiSaver for at least three years, and you must leave $1,000 in your account. Sorted adds that you need to intend to live in the home, and that previous owners may get a second chance if they’re in the same financial position as a first-home buyer.

Your KiwiSaver provider and Kāinga Ora can talk you through the details.

Wills, cover and relationship property

Getting married affects any will you already have. Under section 18 of the Wills Act 2007, a will is revoked when the person who made it marries or enters a civil union. The exception is a will made in contemplation of that particular marriage or civil union, either because it says so or because the circumstances show it clearly.

If you made a will before the wedding, it’s worth asking a lawyer whether it still stands. Inland Revenue says your KiwiSaver savings become part of your estate when you die, and suggests making sure the person looking after your will knows who your provider is. Sorted also suggests checking you have the right life or mortgage cover in place.

Then there’s relationship property. The Property (Relationships) Act 1976 applies automatically to married and civil union couples, and to de facto couples who’ve lived together for at least three years, the New Zealand Law Society explains. Usually a relationship needs to have lasted three years for equal sharing to apply, and if you lived together before you married, the whole relationship counts towards its length.

The Law Society lists the family home, household items and income earned during the relationship as relationship property, along with the value added to super savings in that time. Gifts and inheritances are usually separate property, though they can become relationship property if they’re mixed in with shared money.

Couples who want different rules can make a contracting-out agreement, often called a prenup. Our prenup guide covers those in more detail, and Sorted points to Community Law Centres for free legal advice.

None of this needs sorting in one evening. Start with one honest conversation and build from there. It’s your money and your marriage, so shape it in a way that feels fair to you both.