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The 5 love languages
Author: Jamie Quinn
- By Jamie Quinn
Gary Chapman’s best-selling book, βThe 5 Love Languagesβ, identifies five main ways in which people express and receive love. These love languages play a crucial role in relationships, as most individuals tend to resonate with more than one, using them to convey their love to their partners.
Couplesβ counsellors from Positive Psychology & Psychotherapy, Corrina and Lee Hooper say, Gary Chapman’s book gives couples a good idea of some of the general ways people express love. However, they also recommend a book by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt, ‘Getting the Love you Want’.
“It provides understanding for all of the stages of love that a couple may go through during their relationship, what is normal and how to navigate tricky terrain through different stages – honeymoon, power struggle, mature love”.
Understanding your partner’s primary love language and expressing love in the way they understand and appreciate most can greatly enhance the emotional connection in a relationship. Similarly, understanding your own love language can help you communicate your needs and preferences to your partner, fostering a deeper and more fulfilling bond.
1. Words of Affirmation: If words of affirmation are your love language, you express love through verbal compliments, encouraging and supportive statements, and expressing your feelings openly and affectionately. Complimenting your partner’s appearance, praising their accomplishments, or simply saying “I love you” frequently are all ways to communicate love.
2. Physical Touch: For those whose love language is physical touch, expressing love involves physical gestures such as hugs, kisses, hand-holding, cuddling, and any form of affectionate contact. Being physically close and attentive to your partner’s need for physical intimacy is essential in this love language.
3. Acts of Service: When acts of service are your love language, you show love by doing things that make your partner’s life easier or more comfortable. This can include helping with household chores, running errands, cooking a meal, or doing something thoughtful without being asked.
4. Receiving Gifts: If you or your partner’s love language is receiving gifts, showing love involves thoughtful and meaningful gift-giving. It’s not necessarily about the
value of the gift but the sentiment and effort behind it. Taking the time to choose a gift that aligns with your partner’s interests and desires demonstrates your love.
5. Quality Time: Quality time lovers feel most loved and connected when they have undivided attention from their partner. Spending focused and uninterrupted time together, engaging in meaningful conversations, going on dates, and creating memorable experiences are essential for expressing love in this language.
According to Corrina and Lee Hooper in their line of work, they mostly see the love language of quality time within couples.
“Quality time is probably the most commonly desired love language that we see in couplesβ sessions these days. It’s also something that may have come more naturally in the honeymoon stage as a couple are learning about each other and shelving other commitments to be with each other.”
“The most common pattern is that many couples try to show love using their own preferred language, yet the preferred language for receiving love is different from their partners,” they say.
Expressing the five love languages involves understanding and utilising different ways to convey love and affection to your partner.
“Learn some healthy communication skills. It can be easy to create assumptions in your mind about whether your partner notices when you are expressing love. Rather than make an assumption, communicate.”
www.positiverelationships.co.nz
Photo by Life Like Film
Gary Chapman’s best-selling book, βThe 5 Love Languagesβ, identifies five main ways in which people express and receive love. These love languages play a crucial role in relationships, as most individuals tend to resonate with more than one, using them to convey their love to their partners.
Couplesβ counsellors from Positive Psychology & Psychotherapy, Corrina and Lee Hooper say, Gary Chapman’s book gives couples a good idea of some of the general ways people express love. However, they also recommend a book by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt, ‘Getting the Love you Want’.
“It provides understanding for all of the stages of love that a couple may go through during their relationship, what is normal and how to navigate tricky terrain through different stages – honeymoon, power struggle, mature love”.
Understanding your partner’s primary love language and expressing love in the way they understand and appreciate most can greatly enhance the emotional connection in a relationship. Similarly, understanding your own love language can help you communicate your needs and preferences to your partner, fostering a deeper and more fulfilling bond.
1. Words of Affirmation: If words of affirmation are your love language, you express love through verbal compliments, encouraging and supportive statements, and expressing your feelings openly and affectionately. Complimenting your partner’s appearance, praising their accomplishments, or simply saying “I love you” frequently are all ways to communicate love.
2. Physical Touch: For those whose love language is physical touch, expressing love involves physical gestures such as hugs, kisses, hand-holding, cuddling, and any form of affectionate contact. Being physically close and attentive to your partner’s need for physical intimacy is essential in this love language.
3. Acts of Service: When acts of service are your love language, you show love by doing things that make your partner’s life easier or more comfortable. This can include helping with household chores, running errands, cooking a meal, or doing something thoughtful without being asked.
4. Receiving Gifts: If you or your partner’s love language is receiving gifts, showing love involves thoughtful and meaningful gift-giving. It’s not necessarily about the
value of the gift but the sentiment and effort behind it. Taking the time to choose a gift that aligns with your partner’s interests and desires demonstrates your love.
5. Quality Time: Quality time lovers feel most loved and connected when they have undivided attention from their partner. Spending focused and uninterrupted time together, engaging in meaningful conversations, going on dates, and creating memorable experiences are essential for expressing love in this language.
According to Corrina and Lee Hooper in their line of work, they mostly see the love language of quality time within couples.
“Quality time is probably the most commonly desired love language that we see in couplesβ sessions these days. It’s also something that may have come more naturally in the honeymoon stage as a couple are learning about each other and shelving other commitments to be with each other.”
“The most common pattern is that many couples try to show love using their own preferred language, yet the preferred language for receiving love is different from their partners,” they say.
Expressing the five love languages involves understanding and utilising different ways to convey love and affection to your partner.
“Learn some healthy communication skills. It can be easy to create assumptions in your mind about whether your partner notices when you are expressing love. Rather than make an assumption, communicate.”
www.positiverelationships.co.nz
Photo by Life Like Film